its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
