my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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