mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
