i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
