I met the friendliest cop last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
