I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
