Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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