I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
