I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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