it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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