i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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