My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
