i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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