i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
