I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
