Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
