On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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