You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Alive.
So much puke
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
