I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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