God, you're like boner-b-gone
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Couch. On fire.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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