Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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