i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
