I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
