i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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