Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
