It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
