i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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