I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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