ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
