Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
