hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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