Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
