After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
