I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
