Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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