Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
