my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My vagina just recognized that song.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's get the cat blown out
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
