Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
