i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
