Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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