Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
