1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
