Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
