we have officially lost it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
