she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
