I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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