Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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