so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
