so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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