I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
