I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
