last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
