Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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