i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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