hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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