We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
