Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
