Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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