foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
