im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
