Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
